Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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