i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
