I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
