Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dick has a subreddit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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