Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
