I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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