Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
