We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
