I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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