Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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