i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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