i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
