This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
