I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
