Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
