Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
