dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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