I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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