It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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