Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
