We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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