Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
