Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
