My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
