I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
