then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
