I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
