Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
