my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
