I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
