My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
