How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
