My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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