After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
