Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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