So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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