At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
