my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
