i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
