Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Soap is not a condiment
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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