Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
