I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
