Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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