i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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