The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
