he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
