PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
