I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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