I must be too annoying 4 u.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
