the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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