Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
4 words: hood of his car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
