super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
