the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
