i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
