Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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