Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
