seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
