ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
