there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
