The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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