dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
