Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
