I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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