I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
