You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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