you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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