so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
