Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize