How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
