I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
