would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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