He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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