you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
