dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
