can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
